Define Yourself, For Yourself
“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” -Audre Lorde
The first time I heard this quote was in the movie, The Best Man. Released in 1999, The Best Man is one of my favorites, if it’s on, I’m watching it. There’s drama, romance, friendship, betrayal, reconciliation, and so many lessons about relationships and owning who you are. The moment the quote was spoken in the movie is a “meet cute” and it was the catalyst of a connection. I remember being so distracted trying to remember the ends and outs of the quote. I was fascinated by the language, nuance, and the brilliance of the message. Since then, the message has guided how I approach life. I remember being asked once, “Why are you so sure of yourself?” It’s because I have always taken the time to define myself and my approach. I set an intention for myself and create a plan. For me, it builds confidence and helps drive me forward.
Prior to starting Arc and Bloom, I spent weeks writing out intentions and visualizing successes and setbacks. I wrote, rewrote, and refined mission and vision statements to align with the kind of coach and partner I wanted to be for my clients. Every detail, from talk tracks to rearranging my workspace, was a step toward creating a coaching practice that felt authentic to me and impactful for my clients.
The goal was to align Arc and Bloom with my why. Aligning with your ‘why’ provides motivation, reinforces belief, and builds resilience in the face of challenges. For me, Arc and Bloom isn’t just a business; it’s my commitment to helping others bloom into their fullest potential.
A couple of weeks ago, a marketing company reached out wanting to work with Arc and Bloom and help with lead generation. I set-up the call, prepared some notes and set intentions. On the call, I was asked to provide background and the story. I spoke of Arc and Bloom like a proud parent whose kid had been on the honor roll. Next, I was asked if Arc and Bloom was profitable. I explained, to date, no, but I was building towards profitability. I shared my roadmap and explained my timeline. The sales person then asked, “Would you say Arc and Bloom is unsuccessful?” In that moment, I realized how often success is narrowly defined by profitability rather than progress, purpose, or potential.
Taken aback and surprised by the question; my response was, “Absolutely not”. I explained, I had created something that hadn’t previously existed. Arc and Bloom was a thought that had become fruition. I created a mission statement, a vision statement, a social media presence, and built a website. I am cultivating a growing community and offering them value and insights. Again, I was asked about profitability. I explained my success isn’t tied to Arc and Bloom’s profitability. Don’t get me wrong, of course I want Arc and Bloom to be profitable. I also trust and understand the process. Profitability isn’t and will never be the barometer of my success. Arc and Bloom’s value is measured by its mission and its impact. I believe if I am able to make a lasting impact and add value to the lives of those I work with, profitability is inevitable.
Defining what success looks like for me is so important. It establishes a foundation on which to build, directs focus, creates accountability, and makes it incorruptible by others. This doesn’t mean others can’t help shape your vision or support your dream; it means your dream requires strong boundaries that protect it from external pressures and challenges. Furthermore, your definition of success can evolve and grow as needed.
Here are four pillars I use to define and guide my journey.
Set Intentions
Define your purpose and align your actions with your values. Intentions provide clarity and focus, ensuring every step you take has meaning.
Visualize Success
See yourself achieving your goals with detail and emotion. This practice builds confidence, fuels motivation, and helps you recognize opportunities.
Visualize Setbacks
Anticipate challenges and plan how to overcome them. This mindset fosters resilience, turning obstacles into opportunities for growth.
Trust the Process
Have faith in your journey. Embrace patience, persistence, and learning, knowing every experience shapes your growth and future.
By embracing these pillars, you’ll create a life aligned with your purpose and potential. Defining yourself for yourself is a way to ensure you always align with your ‘why’, create direction for your decisions, instill confidence, and create boundaries that protect who you are and what you value.