Growth, Anyway

This week has been challenging and frustrating.  So much so that I had to step away from making content and social media.  The tone, rhetoric, and discussions around the inauguration, executive orders, and the state of this country have been divisive and uninformed. For the first time in a long time, I found myself wanting to respond, and engage with every comment in hopes of providing a perspective that would inspire change, and I also know better.  But I know, so much of this week is going to stay with me. 

I couldn't let go of the following quote:

“We will forge a society that is color-blind and merit based.” -Donald Trump

When I heard Donald Trump say this, I felt immediate disappointment. I couldn’t believe that the president of one of the most diverse countries in the entire world would advocate for color-blindness. Colorblindness is an ideology that believes the best way to achieve equality is by treating everyone the same, without considering race, ethnicity, or cultural background.  In practice, this would be near impossible even in a perfect world. We are all inherently different and our differences add to our perspectives. To be color-blind is to discount the context and subtext of a person’s lived experiences. As a black man, I have lived experiences that are vastly different from those of white men or women and I acknowledge that their lived experiences are different from mine.  We can’t keep discounting the identities in favor of merit. Our identities contribute to the context of our accomplishments.  Furthermore, we have to stop pretending that America has ever been an even playing field. 

The question I kept trying to answer is; “How do you reach self-actualization when you are constantly fighting for your own existence?” 

In Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs, Self actualization is at the top and can only be achieved when the other levels of the pyramid have been achieved.  From the bottom up there are psychological needs, safety and security, love and belonging, self esteem, and finally self actualization.  My question stems from my own journey as I think through the political climate and my own safety, and feelings of belonging. I think about how hard it was to overcome my own misinformed thoughts of myself as people who looked like me were so often portrayed as criminals, uneducated, or were just left out all together.  As I have grown, our country has slowly evolved as well. Though, black men are still disproportionately portrayed as criminals in the media and the absent black father stereotype persists; we have seen a black president, present fathers, and other positive representations. This is paramount to the psychological safety, feelings of belonging, and self esteem of young people and adults. The discounting of identity only perpetuates othering. I believe acknowledgment and acceptance is so important for the individual and our society.  There are so many ethnicities, and identities that make up the fabric of our countries and we should celebrate them all.

So, what do we do to combat the narratives and shifts in rhetoric? How can we continue to grow when identity politics are being used to discount who you are. 

Here are 5 Empowering Ways to Reinforce Your Growth Journey:

1. Anchor Yourself in Your Values and Identity

Define yourself for yourself. Reaffirm who you are and take the time to reflect on your core values, strengths and unique qualities that makes you who you are.  Create a practice of internal validation like saying affirmations. 

2. Find Strength in Community 

Seeking out support from communities who celebrate you and who you are fully. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people can provide comfort, guidance, and resources. Find advocacy groups or initiatives working toward equity and inclusion, transforming your experience into collective action and empowerment.

3. Reframe Challenges as Opportunities for Growth 

Use your challenges as growth opportunities.  Learn, advocate for yourself, and expand your capacity for resilience. Focus on how overcoming this adversity strengthens your character and contributes to your personal and professional growth.

4. Educate Yourself and Others  

Continue to learn. It’s important to understand your rights, identity politics, and systemic biases.  Your knowledge will support you in advocating for yourself and others. Engage in conversations with others to help build bridges of understanding.

5. Transform Adversity into Purpose

Finally use your experiences to create change. Tell your story, mentor others, participate in activism and use your voice and perspective as the powerful tools they are.  You can use your experience to uplift others.

The Other Side of Discomfort

First of all, my apologies. 2025 has been stretching me thin, but I am back.  A little off schedule, but I will post another blog on Monday January 20, 2025 to return to my regular cadence.  Thank you for your patience and continued support. Please follow along on Instagram (@arcandbloomco) and Linkedin ( Arc & Bloom Professional Services) for more personal growth insights. 

Interestingly enough, New York doesn’t have everything. I moved here in April 2024 after being in Denver for the last 2 years. In Denver, the outdoors were a huge part of my life and everywhere. There is so much diversity of activities in which to participate.  Mountainbiking and snowboarding were my primary modus operandi. I miss the adrenaline rush, the flow, and the focus that came to me through those activities. Since moving to New York, I’ve picked up running, because it’s challenging and very accessible. I was a sprinter when I was young, but that is very different from running longer distances. I started at a slow pace and short distances. The goal was to run 3 miles every week and then add miles each week.  I got up to running about 17 miles a week. Which is a lot for me. On one of my last long runs was 8 miles and I strained my hip flexor. Over the last few weeks I’ve been rehabbing hoping to get my miles back up. 

I go to the gym everyday.  Instead of running for cardio, I’ve been using the stair-stepper, elliptical, and stationary bike to help me take some strain off of my hip flexor. Today, I decided to do a walk and running circuit on the treadmill. I walked for 4-minutes and then I ran for 2 minutes.  During the first running portion, I felt some discomfort in my hip flexor which should be expected as I hadn’t ran in a while. I almost quit, but I thought to myself, discomfort isn’t pain and in this instance recovery is on the other side of this discomfort. I was on the treadmill for 42 minutes and by the end my hip flexor felt good and I’m so glad I didn’t stop.

Growth, success, and even recovery are all on the other side of discomfort. Discomfort is where all the good shit happens. You have a choice in moments of discomfort. You can quit and reengage with your comfort zone or you fully engage with your discomfort. Engaging with your discomfort will reveal so much about yourself.  It will put you in the same room as that little voice in your head that yells at you to quit and will introduce you to the voice that whispers, “keep going”.  I’ve learned the more you listen to the one that whispers, “keep going”, the louder it gets. The one that yells, “quit”, never actually goes away or even quiets. But, your resilience in the midst of discomfort gets stronger. You become more willing to endure and push past the limits that used to hold you back. Now, navigating your discomfort is not something you can turn on and off.  It is practice and it’s not that it becomes easier, it’s that your expectations of yourself change. Your belief in yourself changes. It begins in those small moments and over time you’ll be able to navigate your discomfort in bigger moments.  The next time you feel some discomfort, engage with it and see what’s on the other side.

What’s on the other side of discomfort for you? 

Remember, The Journey is the Destination.

2024 Reflections

As I reflect on 2024, I can’t help but think about the last four years of life and all of the changes I have experienced. It’s mind blowing to think through.I had a plan, and then another and then another. And now, I am in a place that I didn’t see myself a year ago. Since 2020, I have lived in North Carolina, California, Tennessee, Colorado, and now New York. Bruce Lee said, “Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it…”. Over the last 4 years this is what I had to be to survive. I have found my way around and through.  This year was really no different.  It has been mentally, and emotionally challenging, and it did not go as planned, but progress was made. I had to be, “water”. 

Here are a few of the themes of my 2024:

Stay Liquid - There’s a show called S.W.A.T. and the main character, Hondo, always says, “Stay Liquid” before his team arrives on the scene. I take it to mean, stay flexible and willing to adjust and adapt to whatever comes your way. I’ve had to pivot, adjust, and iterate. Goals have been met, changed and plans have evolved. Staying liquid has allowed me to continue moving forward.

Consistency - This is the secret sauce, because eventually consistency will be the reason. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but being consistent will pay off. Everyday, one step in front of the other.  I promise you will see results.  Staying consistent has helped me get closer and closer to my goals. 

Discipline - For me, discipline is not only the ability to continue to work at something that is difficult, but also the self control of making the right choice versus the desired choice. Discipline has been so instrumental in helping me maintain my physical, emotional and mental health.  It also directs decision making and creates boundaries that help me remain focused.

Patience - Success takes time and it is so important to be patient. The journey will teach you so much about how to embrace the success that is coming.  That overnight success you think about is often 10 years in the making. The first business I created was extremely successful in the first year, but that came with so many other challenges. That business was also 5 years in the making. 

I will carry each of these themes with me into 2025 and collect more.  What are your themes of 2024? 

Happy Holidays!

Remember, The Journey is the Destination 

Define Yourself, For Yourself

“If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” -Audre Lorde

The first time I heard this quote was in the movie, The Best Man. Released in 1999, The Best Man is one of my favorites, if it’s on, I’m watching it. There’s drama, romance, friendship, betrayal, reconciliation, and so many lessons about relationships and owning who you are. The moment the quote was spoken in the movie is a “meet cute” and it was the catalyst of a connection. I remember being so distracted trying to remember the ends and outs of the quote. I was fascinated by the language, nuance, and the brilliance of the message. Since then, the message has guided how I approach life. I remember being asked once, “Why are you so sure of yourself?” It’s because I have always taken the time to define myself and my approach. I set an intention for myself and create a plan. For me, it builds confidence and helps drive me forward.

Prior to starting Arc and Bloom, I spent weeks writing out intentions and visualizing successes and setbacks. I wrote, rewrote, and refined mission and vision statements to align with the kind of coach and partner I wanted to be for my clients. Every detail, from talk tracks to rearranging my workspace, was a step toward creating a coaching practice that felt authentic to me and impactful for my clients. 

The goal was to align Arc and Bloom with my why. Aligning with your ‘why’ provides motivation, reinforces belief, and builds resilience in the face of challenges. For me, Arc and Bloom isn’t just a business; it’s my commitment to helping others bloom into their fullest potential.

A couple of weeks ago, a marketing company reached out wanting to work with Arc and Bloom and help with lead generation. I set-up the call, prepared some notes and set intentions. On the call, I was asked to provide background and the story. I spoke of Arc and Bloom like a proud parent whose kid had been on the honor roll. Next, I was asked if Arc and Bloom was profitable. I explained, to date, no, but I was building towards profitability. I shared my roadmap and explained my timeline. The sales person then asked, “Would you say Arc and Bloom is unsuccessful?” In that moment, I realized how often success is narrowly defined by profitability rather than progress, purpose, or potential.

Taken aback and surprised by the question; my response was, “Absolutely not”. I explained, I had created something that hadn’t previously existed.  Arc and Bloom was a thought that had become fruition. I created a mission statement, a vision statement, a social media presence, and built a website.  I am cultivating a growing community and offering them value and insights. Again, I was asked about profitability. I explained my success isn’t tied to Arc and Bloom’s profitability.  Don’t get me wrong, of course I want Arc and Bloom to be profitable. I also trust and understand the process. Profitability isn’t and will never be the barometer of my success. Arc and Bloom’s value is measured by its mission and its impact. I believe if I am able to make a lasting impact and add value to the lives of those I work with, profitability is inevitable.  

Defining what success looks like for me is so important. It establishes a foundation on which to build, directs focus, creates accountability, and makes it incorruptible by others. This doesn’t mean others can’t help shape your vision or support your dream; it means your dream requires strong boundaries that protect it from external pressures and challenges. Furthermore, your definition of success can evolve and grow as needed.  

Here are four pillars I use to define and guide my journey.

Set Intentions  

• Define your purpose and align your actions with your values. Intentions provide clarity and focus, ensuring every step you take has meaning.  

Visualize Success  

• See yourself achieving your goals with detail and emotion. This practice builds confidence, fuels motivation, and helps you recognize opportunities.  

Visualize Setbacks  

• Anticipate challenges and plan how to overcome them. This mindset fosters resilience, turning obstacles into opportunities for growth.  

Trust the Process  

• Have faith in your journey. Embrace patience, persistence, and learning, knowing every experience shapes your growth and future.  

By embracing these pillars, you’ll create a life aligned with your purpose and potential. Defining yourself for yourself is a way to ensure you always align with your ‘why’, create direction for your decisions, instill confidence, and create boundaries that protect who you are and what you value. 

On Giving Thanks

I was in the 7th grade and it was the Monday after Thanksgiving.  I don’t recall which period it was, but I was called to the office to go home.  Excited, I gathered everything I owned and sprinted to the office.  There, in the office, stood my father in his Naval uniform, stoic.  My pace slowed and the excitement retreated from my expression and I became a question. I knew something was wrong, but what it was, was lost on me. Slowly, I entered the office and he barely looked at me. Tense, like he was just trying to hold it all together. My heart wasn’t sure if it should stampede or not. Leaving the school, I followed through the office door, hallway and exit. To the car, his walk was determined and deliberate.  There, the silence was only broken by the engine starting.  I had never known my father to be this quiet; had never known him not to make eye contact.  The ride home was a conundrum.  My eyes, back and forth between my father and passenger window; my hands consoling one another, and my heart was a slow lonely metronome. 

Home was only about 10 minutes away, but the car ride felt like a lifetime. The garage door opened, he pulled in the same as always and we shuffled everything into the house.  I went straight to my room and sat on my bed; sensing it was the only place I could be. A few moments passed, and my father came to my room, leaned on my dresser and uttered, “My mom died”. The words slowly fell out of his mouth like he was trying to catch him before they came out.  I had never seen my father cry. I crumbled like a sand castle does when the tide rises. We cried there, in my room, we hugged, and allowed the sadness to wash over us.  Thinking of that moment is still one of the only things that brings me to tears. 

I had just spent Thanksgiving with my Grandma Daisy and now she was gone. I thought, “I just saw her yesterday.” I was trying to make sense of life and death.  I had never thought of life as so temporary.  My Grandmother was a giant to me! I didn’t know death could come without warning. It was my first experience with loss.

I don’t remember if it was during the funeral or after, but a decision was made, from now on, we would all get together for Thanksgiving. It was going to be how we all stay connected and how we pay homage to the matriarch of our family.  

For the last 28 years, we have kept that promise to spend every Thanksgiving together.  We have gathered in remembrance to break bread, share stories, and celebrate.  My grandmother has 7 sons, unfortunately two have passed, 11 grandchildren, and 2 great grandchildren.  There are spouses, cousins, and extended family who have joined our tradition.  We have traveled to 9 states.  We have rented massive homes and also crammed ourselves in rentals that could barely hold us.  We are determined to be together.  

For me, Thanksgiving is about family; it is about my Grandma Daisy and the mark she has left on all of us.  It is about tradition and ensuring her name and legacy live on through generations.  It is about gratitude, togetherness, and appreciation.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, not because of its origins, but because of what it means to me and my family.

Reckoning with Yourself, First

It has been an interesting time of life.  Seemingly, every week, there has been something for me to navigate emotionally or something that has required reflection. This last week was no different. I’ve spent countless hours thinking through what was learned, and sorting through themes, and lessons to share.  Navigating my feelings and emotions to ensure I respond and not just react in the moment. I’m not here just to tell my story; I hope these reflections help you feel more connected to yourself and the people around you.

A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity. 

-The Dalai Lama

When I say, this quote changed my life, it is not a platitude.  In 2013, I had the opportunity to see The Dalai Lama speak in person.  I took the day off and drove five hours to Atlanta with a friend who had an extra ticket. I am not sure what I was hoping to hear, but I was excited to hear something that would maybe take root, something I could bring home with me. The moment I heard this quote spoken, I knew it was for me.

I am a poet and spoken word artist. Back then, I was hosting one of the largest poetry slams in North Carolina, The Marquis Slam, and performing in poetry events nationwide. But, I was struggling with my craft.  Poetry has always been a huge part of my life. Introduced to me as a way to cope and as a way to process my emotions. It is incredibly personal and, at that time, I wasn’t ready to be that transparent on a stage in front of strangers and I definitely wasn’t ready for my story to be judged and scored. My writing became these thematic dramatizations of events I had been aware of but never experienced. I created this immense chasm between myself and the subjects of my poetry, which was the opposite of what it had always been. No matter how clever the metaphors I built were, it lacked authenticity. I was always telling someone else’s story and never my own. 

The quote forced me to confront the parts of myself I was trying to compartmentalize. I didn’t trust myself to war with my demons in front of an audience, and I believed my healing, and development as sacred, and not to be monetized for social capital or financial gain. I was writing for slams, and performances, no longer for me. I lost my way, and my connection to myself. Poetry had always been a gateway for personal exploration and for that to happen it had to be an authentic experience. 

The quote became the beginning of a poem called, Self. It reads like an internal conversation about not being honest with myself.  It was admitting to myself, “I am so close to broken, so fragile”, yet also, “...nothing but fearless imagination and all kinds of never quit- a hard glowing fist full of my grandmother's grace”. When I first read the poem aloud, tears crawled down my face. To say it was cathartic feels disingenuous. It was so much more; it was a moment of finally seeing myself in my entirety.  As if, I shed a mask I hadn’t even realized I was wearing. 

Writing that poem gave me permission to be authentic, vulnerable and transparent. It showed me how valuable my story was and still is. Poetry, once again, became a practice of processing and helping me understand my emotions. I’ve learned it is impossible to grow and to evolve without being completely transparent with yourself first.  This means being honest with yourself, being introspective, holding yourself accountable, understanding and communicating your needs, and being open to feedback and willing to self correct. Transparency is no skill, it is an ethic, a practice we must cultivate single everyday. 

In each of our lives, there will be moments to reckon with the parts of ourselves that we have hidden, or parts we are unwilling to own. We can choose to lie to ourselves or we can find the strength to be honest, and hold ourselves accountable, setting the stage for growth.  It all begins with transparency.

Remember, The Journey is the Destination

For Ourselves and Others

Lately, I have been playing this strategy game on my phone called Twisted Tangle. The goal is to untangle a group of ropes on the screen, with limited spaces available to move the ends of each rope.  Every level becomes progressively more challenging.  The game requires a willingness to step back to make progress.  On the tougher levels,  it restricts the places to move the ends of the rope even more and forces you to be patient and strategic to complete the level. There’s also a timer that feels inappropriate for the level complexity. I play periodically when I need to pass some time or if I have a lot I’m thinking through. Yesterday, while traveling and playing; I realized how much this game mirrors life. Just like the game, we are all navigating our unique challenges, each with its own set of limitations.

Currently, I am working through a new level in my own life: building a successful business and finding ways to serve others in a competitive industry. Finding creative ways to share my story, my experiences, and my skill set to attract the right clients.  I’m testing new ideas, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and maintaining discipline while trying to build momentum daily. Continuously reminding myself that consistency is key. 

Then, on Friday October 18, 2024, all the momentum stopped; I experienced an unexpected loss in my family. When I heard the news there were no tears, but there was this weight, this heaviness all around me.  I told myself, I’d give myself a day to process, to remember, to be free of all of my expectations, and to grieve. That day turned into eight.  At that moment, I didn’t realize I needed the time. I kept trying to be proactive, productive, and get back to work, but I couldn’t focus on anything. I tried writing this blog on another topic, but the words would never string together. I didn’t expect the grief to linger with me as long as it did.  So many thoughts about life; how finite it is, how precious it is, and how every moment could be your last. Questioning even more about my choice to build this business now and past choices I’ve made. Reflecting on family, especially my father, who has lost his mother, father, and now his big brother. I have seen that man, my father, be everything for everyone no matter what he has been trying to detangle; and in that way, I’ve always followed in his footsteps. This past week I witnessed him allow time for himself, set boundaries, cry, and give grace to everyone and himself. It was a reminder in real time on giving grace to others and myself. For the past week, I’ve been hard on myself for not checking anything off my daily to-do list and losing my consistency.

We are all working to solve our problems, overcome challenges, and just make progress in our unique ways. We are all trying to cultivate a willingness to take a step back so we can move forward. We are all having to be patient and figure out what’s in front of us before we can keep going. Sure, our day to day looks different and we all have different goals, but we all could use some grace from ourselves and others. Many of us are navigating so much more than just work or family responsibilities.  We are navigating loss, trauma, fear, caregiving responsibilities, food insecurities, mental illness, and so much more.  Often, we are too hard on ourselves. Give yourself grace.

Here are a few practices than can help extend grace to ourselves and others:

1. Gratitude

Gratitude is the practice of intentionally recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life, regardless of circumstances. Research shows that focusing on gratitude can increase resilience, improve mental health, and deepen our connection with others. By regularly identifying things we’re thankful for, we train our minds to shift focus from stressors to sources of joy and support. This mindset fosters a compassionate attitude toward ourselves and others, allowing us to approach challenges with more patience and grace.

2. Having Compassion for Yourself and Others

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you’d offer a friend. This approach doesn’t mean avoiding accountability; rather, it allows us to recognize mistakes without self-criticism, which promotes a healthy sense of growth. Extending compassion to others involves understanding their struggles and behaviors within the context of their experiences, fostering empathy. This approach nurtures a supportive environment that values effort and humanity over perfection.

3. Acknowledging Our Humanity

Recognizing our shared humanity involves accepting that everyone, including ourselves, is imperfect and bound to make mistakes. This acknowledgment allows us to view setbacks as part of life rather than personal failures, easing the pressure of self-blame. Embracing our humanity enables us to connect more deeply with others by normalizing vulnerability, which is key to giving and receiving grace. When we accept our imperfections, we pave the way for a more compassionate and understanding perspective.

4. Be Kind to Yourself

Practicing self-kindness is a foundational element of self-care and grace. This involves not only speaking kindly to ourselves but also prioritizing activities that promote well-being and calm. Self-kindness counters our inner critic, allowing us to reframe mistakes as learning opportunities rather than evidence of inadequacy. By treating ourselves with gentle encouragement and patience, we foster an inner environment where growth and resilience can thrive, equipping us to better extend kindness to others.

In life, we’re all moving through levels of tangled challenges, learning as we go.  It’s important for us all to allow ourselves and others grace along our journey.  After all, even the toughest knots can be loosened with patience, compassion, and kindness.

Remember, The Journey is the Destination

Getting Back up

I had intentions of sharing something different, but life happens and this felt more relevant. 

Some say I'm an adrenaline junky, but I’ve called myself a Flow Chaser ever since I read “The Rise of Superman” by Stephen Kotler. In the book, he explores the science of “Flow”, which is a state of consciousness where people perform at their highest level.  The book draws on over a decade of research and interviews athletes like Laird Hamilton, Jeremey Jones, and Danny Way.   For me, it provided a deeper level of understanding of myself and who I have been for all of my life. I have been in a constant search of flow, because of how it made me feel and how it positively impacted other aspects of my life.  I’m not going to go too deep but I want to give some context before continuing.  Flow requires a challenge.  Usually, tasks are 4% more difficult than a person’s current skill set.  Flow also happens in stages: struggle, release, flow, and recover.  Finally, flow can be applied to different aspects of life. Flow is that “runner’s high” or when folks say they’re in the ”zone”. I have always described it as unconscious hyper focus.  But, as with most things in life, there is an obstacle that must be overcome before you can reap the benefits. Struggle, it is paramount for so many things in life.  It comes before success, innovation, results, completion, and flow. It is a norm.  That means other norms have to be, doing it again, trying harder, or getting back up. 

This past weekend, I was in Utah mountain biking right outside of Park City.  It was a tough ride and the first 3 miles covered about 1000 ft elevation gain.  I was exhausted and honestly I didn’t prepare properly for the ride.  I didn’t eat enough prior or bring enough water to safely sustain in the heat.  There was a moment where I realized those factors didn’t matter.  My mind became clear, the pain in my body subsided, and I became hyper-focused.  Flow could sustain me for the remainder of the ride, but I would have to pay the cost of pushing my body beyond its limits.  I have learned to exit and re-enter flow, partly because there are moments I have to make the right decision for the situation. This particular situation needed me to make the decision of turning around because I lacked the resources, food and water, to continue.   My friend and I decided to turn around.  The ride back was epic.  Almost four miles of downhill single track trail. I was in the zone and periodically I would jump out to make sure my friend was good.  On one occasion, I looked back, hit a rock, over compensated and flipped my bike off the trail.  My friend said all they saw was my bike in the air going off the side of the trail.  For visual purposes, this trail was on the side of a small mountain. The right side of the trail went up and the left side went down, and in some places it was steeper than others.

I went over the handlebars and landed flush on my back.  I don’t know if I was in shock.  I was very conscious the entire time.  Initially, I didn’t move.  I had to do a quick inventory of my body.  My friend asked repeatedly if I was ok. I didn’t answer.  I sat up, and again checked in with my body before I stood up and got my bike back to the trail.  I finally responded to let them know I was ok. I was hurt, and my ego took a hit, but I got back on the bike and finished the ride. 

Moments like this have a similar cadence in different areas of my life.   I have become very efficient at getting up, and dusting myself off.  Firstly, I’ve always pushed myself beyond my skill set, so I understand falling is possible. Secondly, I understand that falling is not failure.  Just because I fall doesn’t mean it’s over and it also doesn’t diminish all the effort I put in or the distance I have covered. Thirdly, practice makes progress. Resilience is cultivated over time and practiced.  You have to learn how to fall and learn the best way for you to get back up. 

Here is my four-step process for getting back up:

1. Acceptance

The first step in bouncing back from any setback is to accept what has happened. It’s easy to get caught up in disappointment or frustration, but acceptance allows you to release the emotional weight tied to it. Resistance only prolongs suffering. Acceptance opens the door to healing. Remind yourself that setbacks are part of the journey, and embracing them helps you grow and move forward effectively.

2. Inventory the Moment

Once you’ve accepted the situation, take a moment to reflect on what happened. This is your opportunity to learn. What went wrong? What factors were within your control, and what weren’t? Inventory the lessons without judgment or blame—this is about gaining insight, not criticism. By understanding the moment and the events that led to the setback, you empower yourself with knowledge to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.

3. Mentally Prepare

Before diving back in, take time to mentally reset. Visualize yourself overcoming the obstacle, and set a positive, resilient mindset. Preparing mentally means refocusing on your goals with renewed determination. Remind yourself of your past successes and inner strength. Practice affirmations like, “I am capable of overcoming this challenge,” and imagine yourself succeeding despite the previous setback.

 4. Start Again

Now that you’ve accepted the setback, taken inventory, and mentally prepared, it’s time to act. Starting again doesn’t mean picking up exactly where you left off—it’s about making adjustments and moving forward with the lessons learned. Take small, intentional steps toward your goal, and focus on progress rather than perfection. Each step, no matter how small, moves you forward. Remember, resilience is built through persistence, and every time you start again, you’re stronger than before.

For me, this process is undefeated. Whether it’s flying over handlebars or facing a layoff, these four steps have consistently helped me process and move forward more quickly and efficiently. Over the years, people have often asked how I’ve bounced back so fast, and honestly, it wasn’t until I landed on my back that I found the words to explain it. Getting back up is about having a plan in place for when you fall; it gives you the confidence to take risks and challenge yourself.

Remember, The Journey is the Destination.

Cultivate Self Regulation

Starting something new– whether it’s a business, a project, or any major challenge has a unique way of revealing who we are at the core.

My name is Eean Tyson, your Guide to Bloom.  I coach professionals, creatives, and entrepreneurs to unlock their full potential and achieve self-actualization. 

Three months ago, I launched Arc & Bloom Professional Services, an executive coaching and consulting company specializing in self actualization.  Starting from scratch has been a challenge.  Truth is, I’ve never been an Executive Coach or a business consultant. My 20 years of experience and education along the way, has created a person who loves to coach and support individuals toward reaching their goals or overcoming obstacles. I’m also someone who loves to co-create innovative solutions with organizations. For me, Arc & Bloom is the intersection of my experience, my education, abilities, and passions.  I am excited to be of service. 

With that being said, excitement and motivation aren’t sustainable.  That is why I have relied on being consistent and disciplined. Everyday is an opportunity to make progress, so I try to make progress everyday. One of my biggest challenges is productivity inconsistency.  Some days, I’m highly productive and creative, pretty much unstoppable.  Other days, it’s a slow meandering process and feels hard to even get an instagram post finalized. It got me thinking about the importance of not only self awareness, but also self regulation. Self regulation is, simply put, the ability to understand and manage your behavior and your reactions to feelings and things happening around you. With productivity inconsistency, self regulation is essential to get back on track.  It allows me to identify the why, manage my feelings in different moments, and address the problem that I am facing. Self regulation is not just a tool but a muscle you have to train. 

Here are 5 ways to cultivate self regulation

• Build Self Awareness

Self Awareness is a superpower.  It’s the first and most important step in any personal development journey. Building self awareness is all about reflecting and taking account of your actions, feelings and reactions.  The ability to evaluate yourself and your emotions can make personal growth more achievable. Take 5 minutes a day to assess yourself. This daily practice can help you understand your patterns and habits.

• Practice Self Compassion

Be kind to yourself. This is a step that has been a challenge for me. Practice positivity by celebrating small wins or when you achieve a goal. Forgiveness is also paramount.  Forgive yourself when you make a mistake or when a plan doesn’t go as planned.  Finally, take a break.  Rest is so important to show yourself care and compassion.

• Journal

Journaling is a great way to organize your thoughts.  It’s also a good way to document your feelings and emotions. Journaling can be self soothing and a way to document progress.  The most powerful part of journaling is the ability to see the progress and growth over time. 

• Make a Plan

Every day, we are faced with different experiences, challenges, and emotions.  Making a plan about how you’d like to respond in different situations can be a game changer.  No matter what you are faced with, you can create a plan for how you’d like to respond. A plan creates a path for you and your mind to navigate through your challenges, obstacles and emotions. 

• Continue your Education 

Read books, journals, take online courses, and listen to podcasts about personal development.  This will help you continue to recognize your behaviors and help you continue to create strategies that improve your self awareness and your ability to self regulate. 

For me, self regulation is an ongoing process and a journey. It is a skill I continue to develop and cultivate the more I put it to practice.  It helps me manage my time, and moments that can be challenging.  It has the potential to help you focus, help you remain calm, and help you regulate reactions in the face of negative emotions. How do you practice self regulation?

The more you practice, the more control you’ll have over your emotions and actions–leading to a more focused, calm, and fulfilling journey, 

Remember, The Journey is the Destination.