For Ourselves and Others

Lately, I have been playing this strategy game on my phone called Twisted Tangle. The goal is to untangle a group of ropes on the screen, with limited spaces available to move the ends of each rope.  Every level becomes progressively more challenging.  The game requires a willingness to step back to make progress.  On the tougher levels,  it restricts the places to move the ends of the rope even more and forces you to be patient and strategic to complete the level. There’s also a timer that feels inappropriate for the level complexity. I play periodically when I need to pass some time or if I have a lot I’m thinking through. Yesterday, while traveling and playing; I realized how much this game mirrors life. Just like the game, we are all navigating our unique challenges, each with its own set of limitations.

Currently, I am working through a new level in my own life: building a successful business and finding ways to serve others in a competitive industry. Finding creative ways to share my story, my experiences, and my skill set to attract the right clients.  I’m testing new ideas, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and maintaining discipline while trying to build momentum daily. Continuously reminding myself that consistency is key. 

Then, on Friday October 18, 2024, all the momentum stopped; I experienced an unexpected loss in my family. When I heard the news there were no tears, but there was this weight, this heaviness all around me.  I told myself, I’d give myself a day to process, to remember, to be free of all of my expectations, and to grieve. That day turned into eight.  At that moment, I didn’t realize I needed the time. I kept trying to be proactive, productive, and get back to work, but I couldn’t focus on anything. I tried writing this blog on another topic, but the words would never string together. I didn’t expect the grief to linger with me as long as it did.  So many thoughts about life; how finite it is, how precious it is, and how every moment could be your last. Questioning even more about my choice to build this business now and past choices I’ve made. Reflecting on family, especially my father, who has lost his mother, father, and now his big brother. I have seen that man, my father, be everything for everyone no matter what he has been trying to detangle; and in that way, I’ve always followed in his footsteps. This past week I witnessed him allow time for himself, set boundaries, cry, and give grace to everyone and himself. It was a reminder in real time on giving grace to others and myself. For the past week, I’ve been hard on myself for not checking anything off my daily to-do list and losing my consistency.

We are all working to solve our problems, overcome challenges, and just make progress in our unique ways. We are all trying to cultivate a willingness to take a step back so we can move forward. We are all having to be patient and figure out what’s in front of us before we can keep going. Sure, our day to day looks different and we all have different goals, but we all could use some grace from ourselves and others. Many of us are navigating so much more than just work or family responsibilities.  We are navigating loss, trauma, fear, caregiving responsibilities, food insecurities, mental illness, and so much more.  Often, we are too hard on ourselves. Give yourself grace.

Here are a few practices than can help extend grace to ourselves and others:

1. Gratitude

Gratitude is the practice of intentionally recognizing and appreciating the positive aspects of life, regardless of circumstances. Research shows that focusing on gratitude can increase resilience, improve mental health, and deepen our connection with others. By regularly identifying things we’re thankful for, we train our minds to shift focus from stressors to sources of joy and support. This mindset fosters a compassionate attitude toward ourselves and others, allowing us to approach challenges with more patience and grace.

2. Having Compassion for Yourself and Others

Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and understanding that you’d offer a friend. This approach doesn’t mean avoiding accountability; rather, it allows us to recognize mistakes without self-criticism, which promotes a healthy sense of growth. Extending compassion to others involves understanding their struggles and behaviors within the context of their experiences, fostering empathy. This approach nurtures a supportive environment that values effort and humanity over perfection.

3. Acknowledging Our Humanity

Recognizing our shared humanity involves accepting that everyone, including ourselves, is imperfect and bound to make mistakes. This acknowledgment allows us to view setbacks as part of life rather than personal failures, easing the pressure of self-blame. Embracing our humanity enables us to connect more deeply with others by normalizing vulnerability, which is key to giving and receiving grace. When we accept our imperfections, we pave the way for a more compassionate and understanding perspective.

4. Be Kind to Yourself

Practicing self-kindness is a foundational element of self-care and grace. This involves not only speaking kindly to ourselves but also prioritizing activities that promote well-being and calm. Self-kindness counters our inner critic, allowing us to reframe mistakes as learning opportunities rather than evidence of inadequacy. By treating ourselves with gentle encouragement and patience, we foster an inner environment where growth and resilience can thrive, equipping us to better extend kindness to others.

In life, we’re all moving through levels of tangled challenges, learning as we go.  It’s important for us all to allow ourselves and others grace along our journey.  After all, even the toughest knots can be loosened with patience, compassion, and kindness.

Remember, The Journey is the Destination